Tips to Help Children Understand Sharing
Parents often repeat the plea to share when children are playing together. The intent of the request is for children to be able to get along together. It requires that they wait, delay their own gratification, and give a treasured item to another child.
For children under age three, sharing is too complex a task. The reason this task is difficult is rooted in very young children’s development.
During their early years, children are egocentric. They view everything from one point of view – their own! They cannot see nor connect how what they are doing or how they are acting might impact or affect someone else.
More specifically, it means that toddlers don’t differentiate between choosing a toy off the shelf or choosing one from someone else’s hands. For toddlers, this means, “I want the toy you have, and I want it now – not later when you are finished.”
Given this developmental reality, parents and childcare professionals of infants and toddlers should not expect children to be able to share. This skill will begin to emerge during the preschool years from three to six.
How to Handle Lack of Sharing
There are basic strategies that set the stage for sharing that infants and toddlers can learn during the first three years. They include dividing resources, trading or exchanging one object for another, taking turns, and accepting “no” for an answer.
Dividing Resources
Dividing resources involves taking the things you have and dividing them into enough portions so that everyone can have some. For example, if children are playing with wooden blocks, the blocks could be divided, with each child getting some of the blocks to use.
Another example of dividing resources to encourage sharing is if there is only one cookie and two children, each child can have a portion so each gets something. Parents and preschool teachers are crucial to the success of dividing resources. They must be alert to situations where “sharing” might be called for and help children divide resources before a conflict arises.
Trading or Exchanging
Trading or exchanging is easier for toddlers because no one comes up empty-handed. So, if your child wants the toy another child is playing with, help him or her bring something to trade or exchange for the toy she or he wants.
This skill is also a good one for non-verbal toddlers. Everyone understands the gesture of offering something with one hand while requesting something with the other.
Taking Turns
Trading or exchanging is easier for toddlers because no one comes up empty-handed. So, if your child wants the toy another child is playing with, help him or her bring something to trade or exchange for the toy she or he wants.
This skill is also a good one for non-verbal toddlers. Everyone understands the gesture of offering something with one hand while requesting something with the other.
Accepting No
Lastly, accepting “no” is another reality of negotiating in good faith. Not getting what you want is difficult for toddlers because of their egocentrism. They just cannot understand why wanting something isn’t enough to get it. When your child is told “no” by another child, acknowledge the disappointment, and help him or her find something else to do.
To help further this concept you’ll need to support your child when he/she says “no” to someone.
Accept his/her “no” even as you prepare him/her to share after several minutes have passed. Statements such as, “You didn’t want to trade tricycles right now, John, but maybe you can trade in one minute,” helps your child realize that “no” is an acceptable answer even as you express the expectation to trade in the future.
Keep a Watchful Eye
Parents and preschool teachers should stay close by when multiple children are together during playtime. Since infants and toddlers don’t have the skills they need to interact successfully on their own, they depend on adult support to keep the situation from disintegrating into a conflict.
Use Games to Teach Sharing
Parents and preschool teachers should stay close by when multiple children are together during playtime. Since infants and toddlers don’t have the skills they need to interact successfully on their own, they depend on adult support to keep the situation from disintegrating into a conflict.
Finally, don’t accept aggression as a solution to sharing. When your child becomes aggressive while trying to share be very clear that hurting will not be tolerated. Remove your child or separate your preschool students from the situation until the child is calm, under control, and can return to playing.
Making it clear that aggression doesn’t work will encourage your child to develop more positive social skills that will serve him/her well in the years to come. Feel free to join our Parent Advisor private Facebook group to help with this stage of child development.